The Yinzometer

A Yinzer will think the Steelers are going to the Super Bowl after every win.

Yins-ah-Meet-er

To understand the Yinzometer (pronounced yins-ah-meet-er), one must first understand a few things about Pittsburgh and it’s people. The Pittsburgh way of life and its unique culture have been nurtured by the common notion among people of the steel city that there still exists a challenging geographical isolation because of Pittsburgh’s mountainous location.

Yinz Way of Life

Not one to accept change, people of Pittsburgh scoff at modern transportation, therefore many have never left Allegheny County. Over many years, this isolation has transformed Pittsburgh into a unique biosphere of sociologic phenomena unlike any that exists in America. The only people that will ever truly understand the nuances of the Pittsburgh culture, are the people themselves---the 'Yinzers'.

The Yinzometer

Current Reading
5%

IC Light drenched Steeler jerseys spotted in the trash cans of the Southside.

20 - 40%

Tolerable, but less so then before. Visit to Chicago quickly reminds you that you live in Pittsburgh.

40 - 60%

Begin to look at want ads. Getting resume' in order. Begin to correct strangers' grammar in an impossible crusade to educate the entire city.

60 - 80%

Making calls, logging onto Monster.com daily. Willing to take a pay cut.

80 - 90%

Leaving every weekend on job hunt. House now up for sale. No longer believe that the cost of living in 'Burgh justifies tolerating the stupidity.

90 - 95%

Psychiatric consultation is required. Violent outbursts toward people offering you a 'jitney' at Giant Eagle.

95 - 100%

Rare survival rate for non-native. Double Zoloft and take your chances. Stay at parents house until football season blows over. Pray for a Steeler loss.

Warning Signs of a Yinzer

100%

Steeler Logo Tattoos

100%

Dropping of Prepositions

100%

Chairs Saving Parking Spaces

Quick Q&A

Much to the chagrin of the Yinzers, there are now many people who live here who were not born here. In fact, there has been a strong underground interbreeding. Because of this, the Pittsburgh subculture, complete with their own language that is dubbed ‘Pittsburghese’, has now come to light to many outsiders. The language has now been studied and those who speak it have been termed 'Yinzers'.
'Yinz' is used among the natives to denote a specific group of people, as in: "Hey, Yinz guys goin'' dahn-tahn 'n-dat?" Which loosely translates in popular English to: "Hello friends. Are you travelling to Downtown Pittsburgh?"
A Yinzer always wears a Steeler T-shirt and hat on backwards---even to the symphony. A Yinzer will always live in the 70’s, even in 2014. A Yinzer will wear acid wash jeans and white hi-tops with the tongue of the shoes sticking out, even thought that look went out in 1982. Yinzer diet food includes French fries on salad. A Yinzer will think the Steelers are going to the Super Bowl after every win of even the slimmest margin.
A Yinzer over estimates every travel distance, and therefore will not travel. They commonly think Cleveland is 5 hours away. The Yinzer that says Cleveland sucks, has never been there.

What does the Yinzometer actually measure?

Because of the fluctuations in feelings about the Steelers and the ability of the followers of the team to jump on and off of the bandwagon at any time, the level of 'Yinzerness' in the city tends to wax and wane.

With the help of Jeff Sagarin's rating system which uses a complex formula comprised of many variables, the level of Yinzerness has become a quantifiable phenomena. Using ratios which are generated from data such as visable 'One for the Thumb' T-shirts, hats on backwards, uses of the word Yins, references to the 'Stillers', dropping of prepositions (car needs cleaned) , rhetoric about the Steel Curtain, chairs saving parking spaces, 'Pittsburgh lefts' (when they let one car turn in front of you at a traffic light), pierogie sales, Steeler logo tattoos, failure to turn right on red legally, Iron City sales, frequency of Light Up Nights and an increase in fireworks frequency topping one per week.

These and other variables comprise the Yinzometer. With anywhere from 0-100% possible, there is wide fluctuation. Average Yinzer values for football season is 75% and after football season it hovers around 40-50%. Bank on levels greater than 85% if the Steelers make the playoffs. As the level rises, transplanted Clevelanders and other non-Pittsburgh born people living here begin to question why they haven't left.